On Friday, I drove over the San Francisco Bay Bridge at the height of dusk. The SF skyline was an impending bluish-gray night sitting on top of a deep vanilla-orange horizon. Cranes by the industrial shoreline rested their dark silhouettes against the rich velvety hues. In the car I played my favorite songs from last year - "Sway", "Middle of Nowhere", "Misread", "Cayman Islands". In that moment, amidst SF Friday evening traffic, I caught a glimpse of myself again. Oh how I missed it all. I promised I would write this all down so it could be remembered and cherished - words that would tell that on this day I was at peace. Words that might help me take a little of this warmth back with me to New York.
In the last few months as a New Yorker, I had let my core chip away piece by piece. Caught up in a terrible work situation, business school applications, and expectations of a relationship, I faltered and broke down again and again. I was upset at the situation, disappointed at myself, and most of all horrified at how little time it took to destroy my self-confidence. I am humbled by my own apparent weakness. Wrapped up in wants and desires to succeed in life and love… was I wrongly participating in the perpetual cycle of pain?
My last business school interview is coming up in two weeks; the last domino in a chain of events. Let the healing begin, then.